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Article Title:	Staring Depression In The Face
Author of reported comment:	Julie
Comment Date:	18:45 on Nov 2 2009
Comment:	I live alone just me and my dog never married and Im 43. Im trying to cling to a job but because my depression becomes so crippling I have severe anxiety. I usually start out well at a job and then get ignored. I feel it is due to my depression. In the beginning they were calling me all the time to give me swimming lessons. Because I was lying in bed most of the time due to my depression I couldnt answer the phone. I have also been late and not showed up for work. It was due to my hopelessness and severe pain. I can't blame them because they dont know whats going on and dont care to know. They dont know the immense pain inside of me. The nothingness to my life. I am in the process of trying to give my life over to god but it is not working. The biblical counselor at church is telling me that I have a choice over my mood when I have a severe chemical imbalance. I dont know if that counseling is going to work out. I used try so hard and now I am so tired I cant even get up to take my dog out. How does one manage to have 6 children with depression. That amazes me. I feel like such a complete totally worthless human being. I used to be able to cover up my depression but now it is obvious and makes me sick. People say I use it as an excuse but I dont it incapciates me. I am sick to my stomach right now from the nothingness and hurt and pain in my life. I would love to give it over to Jesus but its not happening. It seems to happen for others but not for me. I am so angry and so tired of being alone and stuffing all my emotions. God says we should be humble but I already feel humble enough. I feel so dead. Nothing matters to me. I am lifeless and nobody wants anything to do with me. Everything triggers me and everything bothers me.

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