2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 1 John 3:16-18, Ecclesiastes 7:2-4, Ecclesiastes 3:4, Psalm 147:3

Mike Davies reflects on the need to handle grief properly

Mike Davies

I have visited nearly 200 homes in the last two months following the storms and floods that hit the south-west of England. The majority of the properties I visited were either in Somerset or Dorset.

The loss of your home, personal belongings, business and to an extent part of your identity is heart-breaking, in fact, it is devastating.

Each home I visited had a different response based on the amount of actual storm and flood damage to the home. But what I witnessed was a mixture of emotions and reactions.

What I often had to explain, was that loss of such a personal nature is a bereavement and should be recognised as such. There is a distinct cycle of sorrows and other intense reactions that will follow in the natural cycle of bereavement. These are automatic emotional responses. The cycle goes like this: shock, denial, anger, guilt, bargaining, depression, leading to acceptance. In bereavement or loss you can join the cycle at any stage and oddly enough can be thrown back at any time with just a thought or even a smell! What we need to be able to do is find peace in this cycle as time goes on.

A loss of this nature (loss of a home) can come gradually or suddenly but the emotions of those having to deal with the loss can be devastating and are so real. As well as losing a home through storm damage it could just as well be happening through repossession, separation, or anything else, which could bring such loss.

Sitting down watching the national and local news you can be distant to the real life situation facing those having to cope with flooding and loss of a home. Hopefully, insurance will cover the rebuild of a property, but for many of us there is so much security in being able to come home and put your head on your own pillow at night.

Admitting to the emotions of bereavement can make you vulnerable to the loss you have just experienced. Often, we think it might be better to hold back the emotions, but to bottle them up is not good.

This is where God steps in and it is so important for us to realise he is here and with us. God doesn't want us to hold back on loving people, or setting up a home to avoid future grief.

The Bible makes it clear that our grief will be temporary, while our joy will be forever! The Bible talks about hope and a brighter future.

In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 it tells us, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God".

Our trials benefit us if we learn compassion for others and the comfort we receive should teach us how to give comfort. We especially mustn't overlook the needs of the children or hide our hardship and loss from them. After a serious loss, they often don't know what to think and say, what questions to ask or how to express their emotions. They need understanding, comfort and reassurance just as much as the rest of us.

In 1 John 3:16-18 we are told, "By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for our brethren. But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth".

Words of comfort have a powerful healing effect, but more than words is needed. Remember that the family of someone who has just experienced the loss of a home is faced with innumerable decisions and arrangements.

Ecclesiastes 7:2-4, "The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure".