Chris Cole FRSA

There have been a number of programmes on TV over the last few years, aimed at helping parents bring up their children. We are shown the extremities of teenage rebellion on shows like Bad Lads Army, and the various 'Teen Camps' programmes; and we're all familiar with the terrible toddlers who come under the spotlight in Super Nanny or The House of Tiny Tearaways.

The number of programmes dealing with these issues shows us at least one thing - bringing up children is a hard job, and many of us, as parents, struggle to know how to do it effectively. These programmes often tap into age-old wisdom about parenting - loving discipline, consistency, firmness and fairness. Often it is obvious during the shows, that just having someone to show them how to do it, and provide encouragement, is enough to radically transform the lives of some parents and their families. So why do we get to the place of needing this advice, apart from the fact that we are all, always, learning in life?

Like a lot of people, I had parents who cared for me, but who could not make their marriage work and so divorced. I have friends who have never known one, or in some cases both, of their natural parents. And so when it came to our turn to bring up our kids, we found that a lot of the life-lessons to equip us for the task had just not been learned.

With the utmost sensitivity to the pain of broken families for all concerned, it has to be said that when families break down, the consequences can carry on into the next generation. We learn most of our parenting skills by imbibing the way we ourselves experienced our own upbringing. The good bits are great, the less good bits we need to change. Often there is a vacuum, a silence when we search for the answer to the question 'what on earth do I do for my child in this situation?' It can be incredibly difficult and painful 'learning on the job' as a parent.

The reason for the popularity of the kind of TV shows we've been talking about, could just be that we all know we need help to improve our parenting, but we don't know where to turn. So we search for those life-skills through the medium of television. It's certainly better than nothing.

The Bible has a lot to say about family. As a collection of books it has survived the test of time for thousands of years and its wisdom has been proven in many lives. 'Honour your father and mother' is a commandment that we sometimes only learn the real value of when we ourselves become father or mother. Honouring our parents means to respect them for doing the best they could with what they had, without being blind to any areas where we could improve on the foundation they have laid.

Ultimately, the essence of being a father or a mother is found in the loving character of God - not an angry old man with a stick, ready to whack us for stepping out of line. Nor an indulgent father Christmas who gives us all we ask for and ignores our faults. But a consistent, dependable, trustworthy, just, fair, strong, merciful, kind and loving Father who desires our best and seeks to release us into our full potential if we will work things out with Him, His way. And before we get into a debate on sexism, we need to remember that the Bible talks of the mother heart of God, too.

So if you find that those helpful TV programmes are not answering all the questions you have about being a father or mother, try talking to God about it - He is the originator of both roles, and over the years he's had to deal with countless numbers of wayward children, myself included. His own Son, Jesus, was in such a close relationship with Him that he could say 'if you have seen me, you have seen the Father'. Jesus showed us what Father God is like, and offered Himself as our way back to our Heavenly Father. Wherever you are on that journey, He is waiting to hear from you about your needs as a parent.

This article was originally published in the Plymouth Shopper, a group of 7 localised community newspapers produced by Cornerstone Vision, reaching 62,000 homes every month in Plymouth. Each edition carries positive news stories and features, and provides local businesses, community groups and organisations with a very localised media platform to reach their own area.