Shelley du Plessis comments

Shelley du Plessis

I have recently been in the unfortunate position of being forced to endure many hours of close companionship with unruly and misbehaving children. I have tried to ignore them, but it is hard to do so when they are clambering all over your lap and the seat next to you, in order to be better positioned to launch their next missile attack on the unsuspecting commuter. I have tried ear plugs, but their constant whines and continuous high pitched shrieks are no match for a wax plug. Their parents are exhausted, disheveled and constantly threatening all sorts of nasty ramifications as consequences to their behaviour. Parents would be better dressed in battle gear than jeans.

I have sat speechless at the seeming non-control parents have over their children. The children determine the schedule of events and how they want it to work out. Parents seem only to be able to count to three. I have never seen what happens at three because they never seem to arrive at this esteemed number. I do note that there is great capacity to find fractions between one and three. I am tempted at times to shout three and see what happens. Nothing, I am sure, would happen, as both child and parent would be frozen in shock that I dared to use that number.

Now please understand that I am not against children being seen and heard, and I too have had young boisterous children to contend with. What does concern me is that there seems to be a liberal way of parenting, which allows children to set the rules of right and wrong. The entire family's attention is focused on pleasing the child and seeing that their demands are met.

I thought I was being a stick-in-the-mud and a little old fashioned, until I caught a comment by a newsreader on Sky News. The comment was this, "When parents ruled the world." I nearly fell off my chair. A secular broadcasting anchor was echoing my concern. This obviously seems to be a far greater problem than I had previously anticipated. Children are ruling the world and have their parents under their authority. "Why?" I ask. Are we afraid of offending them? What will happen to them if we truly disciplined them and put in boundaries?

As responsible pet owners, we train our animals to be socially acceptable and then have peace in knowing that they will, in all circumstances, be safe from harm or harming others. So why have we given up on our children? For some of us, it is easier to have our dog sit on command than for us to get our children to sit at a table to eat a family meal.

What does the Bible say? In the book of Proverbs 22:6, we are told to "train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Amplified version) Other versions say, "Point your kids in the right direction - when they are old they won't be lost".

To my mind, the word 'train' suggests that there must be a flow of education and teaching from one who knows to one who doesn't know or, to one who is a novice. Therefore, the Godly order of raising children is that the parent should take up his or her role as an adult, and actively administer training to the one who doesn't know, in this situation, the child. I am not suggesting beating or forced abuse to be part of this training. I am suggesting that clear boundaries for what is acceptable behaviour need to be established. Routines are created and followed (Bedtime should be established by the parent); good behaviour is rewarded; negotiation and manipulation by the child is not tolerated; not using a child as a pawn against a previous partner. This is unfair to the child and detrimental to his or her growth as a healthy member of society.

Train your child by loving him or her enough to allow them to fail, but encourage them to persevere. Build them up in their strengths and do not constantly draw attention to their weaknesses. By a parent's withholding from buying every new gadget and toy on the market, children are able to learn the responsibility of working towards owning something of value and then, the consequence of caring for it. Love your child enough to say NO! to unfair demands on you and your resources but, having said No, be sure to give a short explanation as to why that was your answer. Love your child enough to offer him or her the simple things in life - acceptance for who they are, your time, laughing together, sharing adventures together, being a safe place for a cuddle when they are sad. Don't be an absent parent and fail your child by not being the adult in your situation. If your child has been grounded in the basic foundations of life, he or she will not become part of a lost generation.

Come on parents. It is time to take up your rightful position!

I end with a story: A very restless and badly behaved child was flying with his parents. He wouldn't settle or surrender to sleep. His parents begged, cajoled, threatened and finally gave up. Passengers were desperate, but hour after long hour, this performance continued. The airline staff tried to intervene, but nothing helped. Others around the family were making suggestions.

Finally, a gentleman who was clearly a military man, because of the uniform he was wearing, walked up to the child and spoke into his ear. The child hurriedly sat down, fastened his seat belt, and sat quietly for the duration of the flight. The passengers were very grateful. The officer's wife asked him what he had said to the child. He responded, "Do you see my uniform? I am an army general and I have the privilege of being able to throw one passenger off this plane. Sit down, or else it will be you."

Please parents, take control. We don't want our children to be part of a lost generation, who will forever remain impetuous children because they never had good Godly adult input.