Jonathan Bellamy spoke with Sheridan Voysey about infertility, recovering from broken dreams and reconciling with a God who is sometimes silent but never absent.
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Jon: You say a resurrection year can restore anyone's soul. Does that mean that the healing process for you both was completed in that year? Does that resurrection year also remove the issue from being an issue?
Sheridan: We are completely free, Jon, you know! There's no problem in my life whatsoever! I am a perfect human being! No, of course not! No, the resurrection year is an important part of our story and I hope that it's an important part of other people's story, who need to have a new beginning after they've had a broken dream. I think what happens is if we don't have a drawing of the line, a grieving for what has been and then a moving-on to the something new, we basically stay in the broken dream and I've met plenty of people in that state. They can never move on because they've never actually drawn the line, moved on and started again. There were times even during the resurrection year, which, I guess, if you want to look at it from a calendar perspective was mid-2011 to mid-2012 and there were times there when, you know: there's a scene in the book where our next door neighbour brings around his newborn son and passes it over to Merryn and Merryn holds the baby and she is gooing and gaaing and I'm thinking, ah great, this is good, she's able to hold somebody else's child and it's not a problem for her. Well they go home and later on I find her in the bedroom and she's crying and being reminded again about what she can't have. There will always be a sense of grief, I think anybody who loses a child, who had a child and loses a child will say you never get over that. There will always be a sense of grief there, but the way I'd put it, the time between the tears gets longer and longer and longer and so you do get used to a new normal and if you grieve correctly, if you grieve properly, then you really are able to move on and I think a resurrection year, in terms of the whole concept, I think is a really helpful way to do that. You can actually have a bit of time to do that, to grieve and then to start again.
Jon: I wanted to end by asking you about your journey and dream, because I was just thinking of a scripture where it says: "Greater love has no man than he'd lay down his life for his friend". In some way you chose to do that with your career; that you laid down what was building with your life in your love for your wife. Is that how you see it? And tell me how you've seen the faithfulness to God, in that you would allow your dreams to be put to death.
Sheridan: I was faced with an opportunity to help my wife see her dream fulfilled and she had had one very huge dream denied. I was faced with a decision: either I stick my feet down in the ground and say, "No, I'm not moving because things are going so well for me in Australia," or I actually said, "I am going to say yes to you, I am going to do what is necessary for you to have a new beginning". That's a lovely scripture. I would hate to go and say that I've fulfilled it, in any kind of way like that because there was a certain sense of kicking and screaming, not to Merryn, but to God. I didn't walk into it as a great saint and certainly didn't walk through it in any kind of way as if my great identity and my security was always in God. Leaving together; leaving all that I'd built over the last 10-15 years really wasn't a problem because my hope was in God. I wrestled; I had to go through a grief process too. I think part of that was to reveal to me just where my security lay and I think I had some growing to do in that. I think also, it's ok to grieve about something that's good that you have to let go of. I think that's the other thing too, you don't have to beat yourself up.
We had some pretty special things happen on the radio show that I started; it did some wonderful things; great stuff and I had to let it go after only five years of hosting it, when it was a 10-year dream. I had to grieve over that and now that I have, I'm able to move on. I'm now in a really interesting season of life Jon. I have always been the dreamer, always had the sense of a vision as to what God was leading me towards. I haven't had that recently; after leaving that huge dream that came true, I haven't really had that since. There is a cost - and you know what? - there was a cost to Jesus to saying yes, to deny his own dreams and denying his own desires. Jesus was fully human. I have no doubt that he at times probably also wanted to settle down, get married, have children. He's fully human; we don't recognise that sometimes, those of us who are in the Christian world. He said no for the sake of the greater plan of God and you and I are thankful that he did. There is a cost, though; for him it was the cross; my cost was actually letting go of a career. There will be a cost and you have to face that and you will grieve over that. It might take you a little while to get back on your feet afterwards but, as anybody who reads Resurrection Year will discover, God doesn't always end every story with a miracle, but he often will bring a great surprise and that's what happened for me. I wasn't expecting to write a book about broken dreams and starting again after broken dreams. I certainly didn't want to write a book about infertility. I was writing about other things; I didn't want to be known as the infertility guy and yet here's this book. It's been out about four weeks now and every day since its release I'm getting emails from people that are saying, not that they like the book, but actually that it's changed their life in some kind of way. So in telling this story and going public with it, it's causing echoes all round the world and it's helping people to heal and to start again and to hope again.
I'm in a funny place where I've got this book that now seems to be doing pretty well, which I never expected to write and yet I'm not really too sure what I'm doing next month, apart from the speaking engagements that are related to the book! I've got no idea what I'm doing with my life from next year on, so it's a really interesting time, Jon. I do believe, though, that God is taking me on a very surprising journey and it seems like some good things are in store!
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The opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those held by Cross Rhythms. Any expressed views were accurate at the time of publishing but may or may not reflect the views of the individuals concerned at a later date.
I have just listened to your story as told to Kent on ACC television channel. I was very happy for both of you and also that you have youth on your side. I lived a desert life for 33 years. All my dreams and ambitions were scorched and eventually buried under the hot desert sands of time. I am poet, an artist and I love writing, but in those years all was forgotten in the heat of survival. I have been a widow now for almost 12 years and while I have painted a bit, written a bit of poetry and tried to do some writing, I just do not know how to break out of the mould that has destroyed my confidence. I love Jesus and I know he has given me a peace which came with my willingness to forgive the past, yet I lack the confidence to give me the drive I need. Is it too late for me, I will be 75 in June I am not an old 75, I am very active and well and complimented about how I look for my age. Is there a hope I can put my story on paper that may be an inspiration to others, but I realize I need to find myself first. What is your advise. I am going to read your book I just have to locate it at our Christian Bookshop Koroong in Perth city. God bless you and Merryn with much success and joy and above all God's peace. June