Baz Gascoyne shares his personal journey

Baz Gascoyne

I was already awake when the alarm began beeping; in fact it seemed that I was awake during most of the night. I am not sure if I slept at all. It was not down to any concerns or stress but pure delight and excitement. Today was going to be the day that I laid to rest a major giant in my life, a Goliath that had hold of my life for more than 30yrs. It was the day I was going to graduate for my Masters degree at Sheffield University, witnessed by my wife Linda and My Mam.

We set off from our house far too early but there was no way I was going to let anything get in the way of stopping me from experiencing this occasion. After collecting my gown and cap we walked to one of the University halls to have our photo's taken. As we stood in a queue waiting for our time I could see in the eyes of Linda and my Mam a real sense of joy and pride. Today reminded me of my wedding day due to the same numbness and aching in my cheeks I felt through the overuse of my smiling. I was like a clown on ecstasy. Not that I have seen a clown on ecstasy or ever taken ecstasy but I was on a high and nothing or no one was going to bring me down.

Eventually I was posed holding a fake certificate in fact it was a piece of plastic tubing with a ribbon round. I thought it was quite amusing that I had worked my butt off to pass this course to end up holding a piece of tube that could be used in the plumbing of a toilet.

As we entered the Octagon centre I was ushered to my seat on the front row and the ladies to the seats in the bleaches. I was informed that I would be fourth on the stage. I was told my name would be called out and I would then walk up the stairs to the centre of the stage where I would be greeted by the Chancellor of the University. He would shake my hand and I would then walk off the stage and be handed my certificate and head back to my seat. If the chancellor spoke to me I then could dialogue with him but if not just carry on walking? To be honest I was not that bothered about talking to him I just wanted my certificate proving I was not thick.

The hall began to fill quite quickly until there were approx 1500 students and proud parents and friends to witness this great occasion. On the stage the scene was that of different dignitaries with all shades and shapes of caps and gowns. It was like a fancy dress party gone wrong.

The volume decreased to be overshadowed by the silence and expectancy of what this graduation ceremony was going to be like. When the ceremony commenced I looked to my Mam and Linda as I was asked to get up out of my seat with the first two rows of people. A reassuring smile from Linda helped me as I stood at the side of the stage. Someone informed the full auditorium of how things would happen I just stood there thinking I wish Mr Hinley (not his real name) could see me now.

Then I heard Barrie Gascoyne and I was walking up the steps and towards the chancellor on the stage. He held out his hand and I grabbed it firmly as I looked him in the eyes and smiled proudly. He had one green eye and one blue along with pointed eye brows.

Just then my thoughts wondered back to my junior school. Do you remember when after the summer holidays we would return back to school and the teacher would say "Okay class get your English books out and write a story about what you did during the summer holiday?" Every year same request and every year same story. First day took my dog out to the park for a walk and it smelt around a tree and then had a wee. Second day took dog out for a walk and dog sniffed tree again and had a wee and a poo. Just after this a guy stood in the poo and glared at me but he could not prove it was Shandy's as we did not have Horatio from CSI Miami then to do any DNA tests on the Poo.

I hated doing these stories but we were informed by Mr Hinley that the work we did this morning would be marked and help the school assess which form we would be in when we went to the big school. I already knew I was going to Branksome comprehensive school known by the inmates as Brankscum. It was a very friendly school as I had seen Reginald Bousequet announce during one of the bongs on News at Ten "Bong" " Head Boy gets a fork in his eyes" yes you guessed it my future school. Anyway we did the story and handed it in and then went for lunch. After lunch we returned to our class and sat at our tables. You need to know that this school had a system. Depending how clever or thick you were determined where you sat in the class. We had nine tables with four children sat around each table, (36 pupils, you wouldn't get that now as too many for the teacher to control)! Anyway the first table you came to when you entered the class was known as the Wazerks table, then the blebs, then semi blebs, then below average, average, above average, swats, creeps and finally the "don't talk to them mega swats table" Well, I was sat on the wazerks table with Vernon Best, Gordon Jones, Martin Scott.

Mr Hinley began by saying there has been some excellent work looking to the mega swats table and then saying very good work pointing to the swats and creeps residents. He then praised above average and average tables and then tried to encourage below average table to keep on trying. His head slowly moved purposely like a submarine periscope towards our side of the room. He gave one of those looks of disgust that only teachers can when they have tried to fathom how someone can do so badly. No words were spoken but we knew that semi blebs, blebs and wazwerks were useless.

Then, pointing at some writing on the board Mr Hinley says we are going to look at some work that was done this morning and use it to show you how to write a story. He then went on to say that this piece of work I copied out from one of your books is pathetic. The story is useless; punctuation is abysmal and the spelling atrocious. We all began to laugh. He then went on to ask whose piece of work is this. The mega swats, swats and creeps all looked towards our tables. The averages followed suite and we all looked at them, outnumbered and outstared. He asked again whose work is this. I knew it was mine but was not going to own up to it. With more urgency Hinley said "Will the person who wrote this piece of rubbish please stand up" Slowly I pushed my chair out and rose to my feet as 78 eyes penetrated into me. I knew I was blushing but I tried not to show how nervous and embarrassed I was. Then the words I will never forget were shouted at me. "Son, you are a waste of time and space, why do you bother coming to school you will never achieve anything in your life you are thick as two short planks". I stood there trying to smile as I could feel the tears welling up inside. The class began to laugh at me. I thought to myself thank's Sir I wish I could smack you in the gob or head butt you. He shouted sit down and that was that. Or was it? From that day until 1999 I never believed I could achieve anything academically because of those words of Mr Hinley. There is an old Proverb that says "The tongue has the power to give life or destroy it" on that day at Reid Street Junior school my life was destroyed for 30 yrs. Whoever said "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" were talking a load of rubbish.

But here I was now shaking hands with the Chancellor of the University at my graduation no longer believing that cruel lie, proving to myself and to other's but also to my old school teacher Mr Hinley that I was not thick and I have achieved something with my life. With a glint in my eye and a smirk I released my clasp of his hand and shouted "C'mon" whilst punching the air as I walked off the stage and received my certificate.

Max Lucado in his great book "Facing Your Giants" says:

Focus on giants - you stumble
Focus on God - your giants stumble

Remember whatever giant or giants are in your life, if you have God, He will help you conquer them. If He can do it for me He can do it for you!