CR spoke with Sandra Harnisch-Lacey about the release of her new book

Sandra Harnisch-Lacey

Rob Lacey, husband, father, actor and award-winning author, lost his courageous battle with cancer in 2006 aged just 43. Now his wife, German born choreographer and dancer Sandra Harnisch-Lacey has released their memoir, People Like Us. Heather Bellamy spoke with her about how they faced suffering and death together, the miracle of their children and the anchor God is for them, as Rob said "I want to die fully alive so my soul's got extended capacity for heaven."

Heather: What was it like being married to Rob?

Sandra: Our marriage was definitely an adventure - full of excitement and fun, but also full of pain and sadness. With both of us working in the Arts, our lifestyle was very different from most people; no set routine, lots of travelling and touring and many ups and downs. But Rob was always up for a good laugh and found humour in the darkest of situations and together we never stopped fighting for our future together.

Heather: What do you think is his legacy?

Sandra: His legacy first and foremost is our two children, Lukas 10 and Magdalena nearly 5 years of age. They both have a very cheeky sense of humour and are full of creativity and fun. Another major legacy in my opinion is Lacey Theatre Company, originally set up by Rob and myself to be a vehicle for his work. Elin Kelly, who was mentored by Rob, has been steering the ship since 2006 and the company is going from strength to strength. LTC are running apprenticeship schemes and are delivering three major school projects all over the country. They are also resident theatre company at Spring Harvest. But of course also his books 'Are We Getting Through', 'The Word on the Street', 'Christmas Presence' and 'The Liberator' form part of his legacy.

Heather: Cancer is a hard illness to walk through for both the sufferer and family. How did you both cope?

Sandra: Since Rob was diagnosed with bladder cancer 6 months after we got married - cancer was part of our marriage for nearly 11 years. We had a lot of good friends and family around us, who prayed with us, looked after our children, who cooked meals for us and just held us up before God. The hospital visits and doctor appointments were the hardest to cope with since each time it was possible we would receive devastating news. Emergencies also seemed to happen often on weekends when we needed to call an ambulance and go to A&E, which is such a depressing place.

Heather: Have you ever been angry with God?

Sandra: Yes of course - during Rob's illness there were moments of anger, but they didn't seem to last very long. Both of us always knew that pain and suffering can happen to anybody, but it is how we cope with it and whether we allow God to meet us in our suffering. He doesn't keep us from pain, but he keeps us safe in his hands despite the pain. After Rob's death there was a prolonged period where I was very angry with God, angry with the world and lacking in empathy of anybody else's problems.

Sandra and Lena

Heather: Were your children a miracle in the midst of cancer?

Sandra: Yes I think they both were. Lukas was conceived just before Rob had to start treatment and Magdalena was conceived after Rob had received a course of chemotherapy and a heavy batch of radiotherapy. Both times we thought we weren't able to have children.

Heather: Your lives were and still are quite public; has that made the journey through suffering easier or harder?

Sandra: I think it probably made it easier most of the time - we wanted people to pray, so they needed to know. Rob and myself were both quite open people and it only felt natural to share a certain amount with them.

Heather: How has God helped you to live through your loss?