Jonathan Bellamy spoke with author Rachael Newham about her experiences: how she has survived two attempts on her life, through to launching a mental health charity and releasing her first book.

Jon: How did that progress? Was that something that was in your life consistently from then?

Rachael: Yes, from the age of 14 it was pretty consistent. It got steadily worse over the following seven years.

I was in the child mental health system and took two overdoses and I was self-harming. I just didn't know how to feel better and I didn't know how to deal with the feelings I was experiencing.

Jon: How did you feel when you got to that point of self-harming?

Rachael: I'd been crying lots over the preceding year and it was like crying wasn't doing anything anymore. I needed another release, so self-harm kind of crept in, in that gap. It was a way of getting something out.

Jon: You mentioned briefly you also made two attempts on your life. What brought you to that place?

Rachael: It was similar to the feelings that brought on the self-harm.

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'd heard many times that your teenage years are the best years of your life and frankly I was quite terrified; if this was the best life could offer, I didn't know if I could deal with what would come.

Jon: So let me ask you then, how were you rescued?

Rachael: I was a Christian throughout and one of my main questions, or struggles faith-wise, was thinking I want to bring people to Jesus, but no-one is going to want to come to Jesus when I'm crying all the time.

My faith was really important to me. I went to Bible College when I was 19 and things really began to change there.

I made a decision before I went. I'd hated myself for many years and I decided that I was just going to be myself and if everyone hated me that was exactly what I expected. But when I arrived that wasn't the case and I made lifelong friends and loved studying.

I had to change my whole thinking and over the three years I was there things began to change really slowly. Being loved by people who I didn't feel had to love me. I'd been loved unconditionally by my family, but I'd convinced myself that they have to love me; whereas the people I met at Bible college didn't have to love me and they were choosing to and that had a profound impact on me.

Jon: You share very well Rachael, and you've obviously got a good understanding of your journey. Do you have any answers to the question of why you suffered so much with your mental health?