In the first of a two part interview, Heather Bellamy spoke with her mother-in-law, Viv Bellamy, about her growing up years, through to being a missionary in Malaysia

Viv Bellamy

Viv Bellamy has lived with cancer on and off for over 25 years. She is a fighter who chooses life every day. In the first of a two part interview, Heather Bellamy spoke with her mother-in-law about her early years, losing one of her brothers and then her father; joining the RAF and eventually ending up in Penang, Malaysia as a missionary.

Heather: Viv, you are a born and bred Plymouth girl aren't you? What was it like for you growing up?

Viv: Life is a gift and it's very precious. I was born in Plymouth in 1941 in the middle of the Second World War. The way I was born is a little bit sad as I look back; my mother, later in my life, shared with me how I was born. I was a premature baby. I was born two months early and according to my mother I disturbed her Sunday roast. I happened very quickly and she was having her lunch. Her lunch was taken away from her and probably put in the oven to keep warm and I was delivered. I was born with a caul around my head, which is part of the membrane holding the baby and because I wasn't expected there were no clothes for me, so I was wrapped in a nappy and laid on the bed and my mother continued with her Sunday lunch. I can remember when my mother shared that with me later in my life feeling such a feeling of insignificance; of oh well that's over and done with let's get on with my lunch. I think at this point I'd just like to say how important it is what we speak into our children's lives. It's so important because I think from then I took on board that I was insignificant; no matter what I did I would be insignificant.

My first memory was when I was five years old and that had a very big impact on my life. I had a brother who was seven and a half and he drowned. There are lots of details surrounding it, but suffice to say my memory to this day is of my brother lying in his coffin in our front room, because that's what you did in those days and I've never ever forgotten it. Life carried on though. I was the eldest daughter. At that time I had my two elder brothers and one of them drowned. Two years after I was born I had a sister and as life carried on I ended up with three brothers and two sisters; so there was six of us. My other brother died so that left five of us.

We were quite a working class family. My mother didn't work, because she looked after us and made all of our clothes to make ends meet. Although my father didn't have a lot to say, he was very dominant in the family. I think one thing I would remember most through those early years was that I don't remember my parents saying they loved me. Although they cared for me and provided everything we needed, we never went without, but I never heard my parents say they loved me.

Viv Bellamy

When I was 12 I passed the 11 plus and went to grammar school. This was a big thing. I loved maths and my father would teach me maths as I sat on the arm of his chair and we would go through maths. I realised that my father was much stricter with me than with the other children and I guess I realised later in life when you can put the terminology to it that I recognised that I was different and that maybe God had a plan for my life. I went to grammar school, but had to leave early as I had to go out to work to earn some money to bring the coffers in to help feed the family, which of course was growing, but it was a very enjoyable time.

My first job was, I don't know if many people now would remember, the Co-operative Society used to have little yellow checks and you had a co-operative number and my job was to sort those checks into compartments and then you'd get your 'cash divvy'. If you didn't get any divvy all those years ago it's probably because I didn't put them in the right compartment, but that was my first job. Money you brought home and I handed over my wage packet and I was probably given two and sixpence, which is probably 12.5p in today's money as my pocket money.

I was brought up to go to church, to the Church of England. My mother went; my mother was confirmed and my younger brother was a choirboy. We all went to church and we all were confirmed, because that was what you did. I was a brownie and a girl guide and went to Sunday school. I'm not too sure how much impression it made on my life. Consequently when it came to my first job I was now out 'in the world' and I wandered.

Heather: I believe that in you wandering away from the church, that you had a few colourful years; can you just share with us what happened after that?

Viv: I look back now and I like to think that my father, instead of being strict, was protective of me as his first daughter; because there is a special bond between daughters and fathers isn't there? When I went to the local youth club and I was late getting home, (I had to be home by nine o'clock at night, I tell you) and if I wasn't in he'd be down the road looking for me. I can remember walking home once and this young man had his arm around my shoulder and my father said, what's the matter can't you walk home on your own unaided?

When I got a job and met new people, all of a sudden there are dances and I wanted to be able to go. We are now coming into the sixties with Rock'n Roll. I guess somewhere within me there was a bit of rebellion and I started going to the local, as you called it then, the local hop. It was wonderful and I learned how to jive and all that. It was so exciting. In those days you had swirly skirts with lots of under slips and it was just wonderful. It was a very colourful time and there was a big difference between a barn dance at the church hall and the local hop. It was just wonderful and my life just opened up and I wandered.

There came a time then that home life became just not enough for me and one day I decided I would join the RAF and I became a WAAF at 17/18. I joined the signals branch and I was a telephonist and did my trade training up in Wiltshire. Then I was posted to a hospital, a RAF hospital in Lincolnshire and I was there for three years. There I could have as many boyfriends as I wanted to and I didn't have a father looking over my shoulder. In actual fact during the course of being there I became engaged to a young man, an RAF driver, who actually got posted to Christmas Island. Most of our time of engagement was being apart and I met someone else and so life goes on.

During that time my father died and of course I was called home. It was quite a traumatic time. My family wanted me to be home, but I had to go back to the RAF because I had an elder brother at home who could undertake family responsibilities. When I went back I was obviously very distraught and I took an over dose of sleeping tablets; I just wanted to sleep, that's all I wanted to do; I don't know that I wanted to take my life, but I just wanted to sleep and that's what I did, I slept. As I was at a hospital they took me in. I then had compassionate leave and was then posted to bomber command headquarters at RAF High Wycombe. I just did a year there and my four years was then complete. I met someone there who linked me with a family and I was going to work there with the Bedwell family. I was going to be a mother's help, like a nanny; they had four children. I didn't realise that they were Christian, but obviously God did and when you look back you think, God you are so awesome. It was a wonderful grounding and it was a house of love and I realised that it was God's love. Although I was only there for one year, to this day I still have links with those people. It's a loving relationship. I left the Bedwells purely because my family kicked up so much fuss and wanted me home.

I went home and I suppose it wasn't acrimonious, but it was difficult to say the least. I got a job with the Plymouth City Police force and it was there, as a telephonist and a Z-Victor one girl on the radio, that I met my husband. He used to do shift work and was a policeman. I looked out the window at 5.30/6am one morning coming off a night shift; he was stood there and I thought, wow he's a bit of all right! We got together and the rest is history. He was Salvation Army and I didn't know anything about the Salvation Army, but I went along in my fur fabric coat and all my make up. Can I just say that when I was in the RAF I learnt how to drink? I only ever got drunk once and I also learnt how to smoke cigars. I'd come home on leave and prop up a bar with my older brother with a pint of beer and a cigar. That didn't go down very well because the Salvation Army didn't drink and really frowned upon smoking. I went along to the Army and my mother-in-law (future) made sure I was saved shall we say. In the army you go forward to the penitent form and she 'fished' me out of a meeting, took me to the penitent form and made sure I was saved.

Heather: Tell me a bit more about how you and Graham got married.

Viv & Graham

Viv: We knew each other a very short time before we got married. We got married in the Salvation Army much to my mother's consternation; although at one time she did go to the Salvation Army when she was growing up she told me later. It was quite a difficult time preparing to get married and we had to do and pay for everything ourselves. Graham's parents were very helpful in that. We had a lovely wedding and went on honeymoon to Marazion in Cornwall, St Michael's Mount. We came back and had a little flat in Plymouth; that was in March 1966. In October 1967 along came Jonathan our first-born. Can I just say before I move on to the children; I have a wonderful husband. I have a husband who's just so single minded and single minded for God. I used to look at him and as far as I was concerned if he said black was white - black was white. He is just an amazing guy and here we are 44 years later still married, so that's got to say something hasn't it. God holds you together like glue.

Jonathan was the first grandchild, so he was thoroughly spoilt and he was a little blonde boy. Then just under two years later along came Richard. He was a totally different kettle of fish altogether, howling in on a Friday afternoon in thunder and lightning. I think that speaks volumes and speaks of Richard, but very different from Jonathan. Jonathan was very gentle and Richard was a bit of a bruiser. We have two smashing sons, so there we were a family of four.

We continued going to the Salvation Army. Graham went to college and became a qualified social worker. We moved to Exeter and from Exeter we met up with some people who were SA officers and believe it or not we ended up going to Penang in West Malaysia. If someone had told me I was going to do that I'd have said never, never, never; but there we go. We were in Penang and so we were told - on missionary work - we didn't realise that and we ended up looking after 50 boys from the age of three to 16 who were either orphans or whose mother didn't want them because of having to go out to work. So there we were with two children of three and five and 50 boys to look after.

The first experience I had of isolation was when Graham contracted Dengue fever and he was hallucinating and he thought he was dying. There I was with two children thousands of miles from home and nobody to help me, but he recovered. The experience in Penang could take up a whole programme of its own, but suffice to say miracles happened. I don't think there was a boy in that boy's home who didn't come to love the Lord; these were Chinese and Indian boys. Our boys grew; yes we had problems, there were all kinds of problems, but God was in that place. We just saw God in an amazing way.

For me personally I came to an awareness of the Holy Spirit in my life and I know Graham did. Even our boys would talk about Jesus in such a real way; there was just a reality that we never knew was in God and it was just amazing. After three years we came home. The boys needed to be educated and leaving was very sad. When we came back we found that what we had experienced the Salvation Army at our local corps didn't really understand and didn't want to know much about. Although Graham did set up a Bible study as some wanted to know about it. There people got baptised in the Holy Spirit and have moved on into being pastors in different places, but unfortunately we felt and Graham in particular felt, that it was time to leave the Salvation Army. Some of the boys in the boys home went on to serve as ministers in the Salvation Army as well, but it was a sad time and very difficult in particular for Graham's parents to accept that here he was, a third generation Salvationist and was going to leave the Salvation Army. We believe that's the way God wanted it. We didn't understand at the time and it was a very painful time. We linked up with a local Pentecostal church and that was a new experience for us. Even though the Salvation Army was outgoing in its street worship, being a Pentecostal was a different thing again. With the Holy Spirit it was like God was leading us on into a new area. It was a very difficult time for Graham and I'm sure he wouldn't mind me saying so. I hung in there with the children. I used to play Christian songs in the house and Graham would walk out of the room, but God was working and God knew what it was all about. I think coming back from Penang for Graham was devastating for him. It was a calling that he knew that he had as a child that he would do something like that, but we are in His hands.