Heather Bellamy spoke with author and relationship expert Matt Bird.

Matt Bird

Matt Bird is an international speaker, author and broadcaster, who is passionate about building life-transforming relationships in family, business and community. He has just released his new book 'The Relationship Book' and Heather Bellamy spoke with him about some of the relationship principles from the book and which ones he finds easiest and hardest to live.

Heather: What's your new book about?

Matt: It's based on the premise that the Bible is not a book of religion and dos and don'ts, instead it's a book of relationships. As we read the Bible, we read how God has reached out through human history, to have a relationship with humanity. When we read the Bible, we actually learn to relate to God and one another. So the book unpacks 28 characters from the Bible and a principle about relationships from each of them.

Heather: Why have you written it?

Matt: Because I'm a relational creature at heart. I love being with people and building relationships. Sometimes that's hard, as we all know, and sometimes it's easy. I'm fascinated by how we can make relationships work better, in our marriages, in our homes, communities, in the churches impact in the community and in our vocational life, out in business, or whatever arena of work we're involved in. I believe that faith has meaning for all of those things.

Heather: Who would you say the book's for then?

Matt: This book is for ordinary people like you and me Heather. It's for people who are interested in following Jesus in all their relationships and they are hungry to learn and get some tips and insights and principles for how they can do it better.

As we look back, I'm sure you will be the same, as you look back through your life, all the amazing things that have ever happened to us have been due to people. My experience is that God unlocks our destinies through the relationships He puts into our lives. So I'm keen to help anybody that has any level of hunger for more of what God wants for them in life and to help them to build those relationships to enable that to happen.

Heather: You've already mentioned there are 28 relationship principles relating to 28 Bible characters. Is this a life's work? How long has it taken you to understand so many principles and see a connection to so many Bible characters?

Matt: You can imagine that some of them came really easily. The first 80% is always the easiest, but the last 20% is hard work. I so enjoyed writing this book though, because it gave me the opportunity to talk about Bible characters I know well and understand well. Towards the end, I also had to do quite a lot of digging and reading to think, who or what am I missing here? It was the most enjoyable book I have ever written, because it is simply 28 wonderful people and what we learn about them.

Heather: Are the principles something that you've learnt over a lifetime? It's not just about sitting down and thinking, today I'm going to write a book because I like relationships and come up with 28 principles?

Matt: No, no. Eighty per cent of them came out of life experience and living life. For example, the first principle is based on Adam and Eve. I look at them as a couple and how they started off in early married life. God gave them freedom in their relationship to enjoy His creation. Then following the 'fall' things went wrong. I retell that story and I talk about the principle of absolute freedom, because for some people, they feel like being a Christian is walking a tightrope with so much that we need to avoid and just stay focused on a single track. When actually I think the picture we're given of God's will in the Garden of Eden, is that you do whatever you like, just don't do this one thing. The image of God's will in the life of Adam and Eve isn't a tightrope - there's only one path for you to follow. It was more like an adventure park, where you could run and enjoy and explore an adventure, but there's some parameters too, not to spoil your fun, but to protect you from harm. I look at how in Christ we are free in relationships to explore God's creation and all that He might have for us.

Heather: Of all the principles, which one do you find hardest to live?

Matt: Disagreeing well. If you don't want to disagree with people, live life in solitude. But if you're going to be married, or share a house with somebody, or be part of a church, or you're gonna run a business, or a charity together, or whatever it is, whatever it is you do you're gonna disagree with people.

I look at the life of Jeremiah. Jeremiah isn't a particularly hopeful book in the Bible. If you're feeling a bit low and a bit depressed, don't turn to Jeremiah, because it's a kind of 'woe is me' book. However, in the book there's also hope and I talk about the principle of disagreeing well, which shows us that in order to sustain relationships, it's important to put greater value on the relationship than being right. Christian's are really bad at this. So often we know we're right, so we will argue and damage relationships as a result, instead of saying, actually the relationship I have with a person is more important than being right. Sometimes we need to just be willing to let go and live and let live. That's hard for someone like me, because I'm very opinionated and I've got very strong beliefs, I mean, I spend my life travelling the world and expounding my thoughts on life and the universe and God. So for somebody like me to see that people do have very different views, it's learning to disagree well with people. I don't think as the human race we have particularly mastered disagreeing very well. Our history tells us that we've definitely not mastered relationships and how we cope with difference and differences of opinion.

Heather: Which one's your greatest strength then?

Matt: My greatest strength is, gosh, you've got me thinking now. For me, it's about my mental strength. I am a very focused and driven person. I'm highly motivated and sometimes that isn't easy.

Just last week, I was away on a trip in the United States. It was an amazing time, but there were also times when I was really wrestling with myself. In the book I talk about the principle of mental strength that shows that whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't do something, you're probably right.

I look at the life of Moses and his belief. It was reported that there were giants in the land and that scared him off. He believed that he couldn't overcome those giants and so he didn't lead God's people into the Promised Land, but Joshua did.