Baz Gascoyne on the defining moments of life

Baz Gascoyne

We all have defining moments: moments which have made us who we are today; moments in our life or in other people's lives; moments which have directed our path; some good, some not so good.

It could be a moment when two adults decide to have an affair and you are the product of this, leading to two failed marriages and a daughter losing her mother. It could be the moment your father abandons you as a child aged two. It could be the moment a teacher humiliates you in front of the whole class aged 10, sowing a seed that you are useless and thick and will never achieve anything in life.

It could be a series of little moments; living in a house of anger with verbal and physical abuse. It could be the moment, at the age of 14, you start drinking heavily.

It could be as a teenager being made to go to Africa for three months to see your father and discovering your childhood dreams and hopes about him are all wrong. Maybe it was the moment you realised you hated your father's racism and the shock of realising he seemed to relish his role as a hangman.

It could be the moment you fall in love at 15 and enjoy being drawn into your girlfriend's family. Maybe it's the moment your hopes of being a professional football player are dashed when you are sexually interfered with by the Player coach three days after the trial.

It may be the moment, aged 17, that your girlfriend dumps you and you feel you're losing not just her, but the family you had grown accustomed to. It could be the moment you get so angry and drunk that you try to end it all with a cocktail of pills and alcohol. It may be the moment you wake up in hospital, having a stomach pump and realising you didn't want to die, but were crying for help.

Maybe it was the series of little moments, dealing with the embarrassment, shame and anger towards yourself and facing your family and friends.

We read daily of people who decide to take their own lives because of a series of defining moments that they are no longer able to cope with.

After I discharged myself from hospital I went straight back into my daily routine of work as a Heating Engineer, drinking with my mates and playing football and rugby. At work some days I would end up crying, not because I had flooded someone's house, but because emotionally I was struggling to understand what was going on. Whilst playing sports I became more aggressive and frequently would end up fighting with someone. If someone began laughing at the other end of the pub I thought they were laughing at me because of what I had tried to do. I was paranoid.

Six months later, still struggling, I experienced another defining moment: I discovered there was a God who loved me and wanted to help me become the man he intended me to be. A defining moment when a guy in his 20's told me about Jesus and how he could change my life and make it full. A defining message of forgiveness and healing. A defining hope of love. I wanted this to be a defining moment that lasted forever, not just another fad.

Since that moment, I've found it's not always easy trying to follow God and be the man he wants me to be. I have failed at times and made mistakes but God has always been there to forgive me and help me keep pursuing Him and his ways.

A guy I know once said "Don't let the past dictate your future but let your future dictate your present." Martin Scott. Let the potential of your future define the choices that you make today.

I urge you, whether or not you know God personally to make defining moments in your life. Do not bottle things up, if there is pain from your past or your present, but choose to create a defining moment by starting to talk. Find someone you can be open with - it may be a Chaplain in the forces or a mate you play football with. Discover that God is concerned about every aspect of your life and can bring emotional as well as physical healing into your life.

If he can change my life he can do it for you too. Let your key defining moment be that you called out to God and He listened and answered because that is what He does best.