Stephen Crosby comments



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The inability to work through conflict in real life

I've noticed that a high proportion of heavy SM users (especially, but not exclusively in the younger generation) simply cannot handle direct interpersonal relationships. They cannot emotionally deal with being "socially uncomfortable." They cannot cope with direct, face-to-face, confrontation or conflict resolution. They're unable to do the heavy lifting and hard work of making relationships work. Well, in the SM universe, that's rarely going to be required.

In some cases, I've seen them actually break down in interpersonal dealings: with a wave of the hand, "I can't handle this," and a "whatever," they just walk away. Well, not all of life's problems can come to a "happy ending" as easily as winning a video game, or with a tweet, a FB posting, and within the 20-minute time frame of sitcom. Guess what? In real relationship building you are going to have to endure and do uncomfortable things.

Shortchanging real communication

Human relationships consist of more than written communication. Human communication involves tone, body language, inflexion, facial expressions, a look in the eye, etc. All of these are lacking. I would suggest that the more serious the matter the less SM should be used. SM media is great for general information exchange, like an event announcement. It's terrible for conflict resolution.

Playing into the worst elements of our sound-bite culture

SM is not amenable to nuance. Some of life's most difficult issues cannot be reduced down to a "word limit." Many theological and spiritual issues are worth more than sound bite proof-texts hurled at each other through SM. Profitable relational dialogue requires more personal investment than that.

I am certain that there are other problems that could be mentioned. I am also sure I will be thought somewhat out of touch and over-reacting in my perspective. That's okay. I'm only responsible for myself. I've tested the waters of Christian FB and other social media and found it not worth swimming in. So, this old gray beard killjoy bids adieu to Facebook.

Maybe I should tweet all my friends and let them know.

[i] Pentecostal Christians - 44%; atheists and agnostics - 37% See Mike McManus, Harriett McManus, and Chuck Colson. Living Together: Risks, Myths, Risks, and Answers. Howard Books, 2008.

[ii] Beyond all Limits by Bill Bright and James Davies. CR

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